Summer struggles and separations
7th September 2022
Image: Corbett Le Quesne
Seven weeks of summer. If you are struggling in your relationship then the children being off school can exacerbate problems. Arranging child care and play dates, fielding constant requests for treats, the cost of the holidays, late bedtimes, trying to ensure they don’t forget everything they learned last term…it is all added pressure. The general chatter between parents last week was focused on how much children are ready for routine. And for parents, the respite may be the first time they have had to take stock.
Family lawyers receive a higher than average number of calls in September. This is directly related to the compounding effect the holidays can have. The pressures on parents have never felt so all consuming. Whatever your resources, children still need your time and your attention. This can feel really exhausting. We are all trying to be the perfect parent, partner and person. All the time.
Some of us will have been away, but many of us couldn’t afford holidays this year. Financial pressures are more present and real than ever before. Even for the super-rich, travel has changed, shares have plummeted and global uncertainty is impacting everyone.
Many people have had enough. Of the struggle and of their spouse. Naturally, it is often the ones we love the most that we take our frustrations out on. But now is a time that many parents breathe, re-boot and if things have not been right for some time, this is often the time people have to face that head on.
Anna Styles commented “We all have a deep rooted need for security. We need to know our ‘cave’ is going to keep us and our family safe from the dangerous world outside. The house prices going wild was comforting for some and terrifying for others. If you and your partner are not on the same page the last few years could have created a deepening divide. It is exceptionally stressful trying to keep it all together, especially if you have children.”
When at breaking point do you break up or break down? Before making any decisions it is always advisable to get some legal advice. You should be aware of your rights and your responsibilities before making any life changing decisions.
Advocate Le Quesne commented: “We are already seeing an increase in the number of people coming to us after a prolonged period of unhappiness. During lockdown lots of couples in Jersey managed to make it work due to their fear of the future. Now they are exhausted and cannot keep up a front for the children. The best thing to do in this situation is talk to a lawyer and find some counselling if possible. We have a very high success rate in negotiating amicable divorces and that is what most people want. This isn’t always possible of course but the right attitude is half the battle.”
You do not need to know you want a divorce before you seek legal advice. Sometimes seeing a lawyer is the start of a healing journey for a couple. One of our key pieces of advice if you want to work on your relationship is do not wait until you have nothing left to give. Seek relationship advice while you still have the energy. Call us for advice on what resources are out there and we can help you figure out what your future could look like. We provide free information sessions so don’t let money worries stop you from getting the information you need.
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